How To Spot A Codependent

OR how to discover that you're codependent, a checklist

A) codependents want chronic maladies, they want to have to "treat" a condition, they won't think in terms of curing a problem.. they may not be consciously aware of this but IF a medical "condition" went away.. they'd be lonely.. they're unaware that, on a sub conscious level that they

Actually LIKE having a medical condition.. because they view that "condition" as making them eligible for sympathy

A healthy person considers wanting sympathy as a weakness.. something to avoid, revulsion

Sympathy gives a codependent an orgasm.. gives them a hard on.. if the codependent is also a sexual deviant ( S and M ) it LITERALLY gives them a hard on

B) more to come, will add to this when I get off work, it's time to make the donuts to keep the lights on


========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Why Codependents Refuse To Change

Most of the folks I've counseled wanted someone to help them "commiserate"
aka "make me feel better" about being effed up

Almost ZERO have actually made the decision to do what ever it takes to heal

Even health "professionals" want to think in terms of "treatment"

none of them really think in terms of CURE THIS MO-FO once and for all

One counselee I have is quick to resent when others "do something" real or imagined "to them"

Rather than "get pissed" over this,

how about getting pissed over paying someone else's bill?
and all of the payments you make ONLY go towards interest, the principal NEVER decreases

All of your codependency comes from your parents asking YOU to carry THEIR SHAME

the bill isn't even yours to pay.. yet your entire life you're attempting to do debt service on someone else's shame

and all of your "payments" are interest only

You're never, EVER going to pay that bill

it isn't even YOUR BILL TO PAY

you do NOT owe that


========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Manipulation Causes Victim Based Thinking

Why would anyone choose to be a Victim?

what is attractive about being a victim?

That's easy.. it's unconscious, you don't "set out" to be a victim.. but unconsciously you LOVE IT.

Codependents like being victims... not from any conscious deliberate choice but due to parenting abuse.. they've come to view sympathy as a narcotic.

========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Passive-Aggressive Predators - Snide Comments

If you USE passive aggressive behavior, you're probably ( conveniently ) unaware of it 

If you NOTICE passive aggressive behavior used ON YOU.. you're likely to get pissed off.

Often, because codependents are unaware of what functional emotional boundaries are.. this can be the first indication to a codependent or the inkling that something is wrong and ought to be corrected.

according to Psychology Today:

Passive-aggressive actions can range from the relatively mild, such as making excuses for not following through, to the very serious, such as sabotaging someone’s well-being and success - https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201508/10-signs-passive-aggressive-relationship

For Example.. there's no way to respond to a question like this, without you looking like an asshole:

"So when did you stop beating your wife?"

There's a reason some people use this tactic.. they're playing a game of "one up-man-ship"

they "appear" to be "friendly" but they're really, subtly maneuvering to place themselves in a "one up" situation in the "pecking order"

I use the term "pecking order" because of Family Systems Theory

this is the first of a series of posts on Passive-Aggressive behavior... stay tuned


========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Quitting Smoking Is a Bitch

I've been a cigarette smoker since 1973, that's 44 years

it's a bitch

withdrawal, anxiety, and mostly... addiction substitution

I guess this makes my 24th attempt to be smoke free

In the previous 23 attempts over the past 30 odd years, when I quit one thing, I'd do more of some other related self destructive behavior

This attempt is made during my 60th year above ground on this planet

nicotine patches help the most.. walking 6000 steps a day helps a LOT as well

use of an ecig seems to be the best thing to do when the patches just don't seem to be enough

I keep telling myself: ad addict does not know how or is not comfortable "treating themselves with respect"



========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Describe Codependency Through Movies -Ben Stiller in Mystery Men

When someone is codependent or "does codependent behavior" they're usually the last one to know.
Having said that no one is ALL Codependent or NON Codependent, it's always a mix. People with damaged sense of self worth (regardless of the source of that "damage") can be said to "exhibit Codependent Behaviors".. that's not the same thing as identifying ones self as "YOUR CODEPENDENT... and I'm not

Now if YOU'RE codependent, typically you're not likely to be aware of it, to those that love you, interact with you, people you have an impact on.. .they're the ones who're likely to:
notice
complain about you
be affected by you
and because of that... those people are like canaries were to miners... they are your alarm

But us codependents tend to want to organize our beliefs around all or nothing. We tend to overlook the fact that no one is 100% codependent all of the time. That's a function of one of the root behaviors of codependency is we identify ourselves as our affliction

Healthy people can call themselves "I'm David"
Codependent people identify themselves as "I'm depressed"

So if you or someone you love you suspect might be codependent, you could look to characters portrayed in recent movies to get an idea of what types of behaviors are "codependent"

 In the movie Mystery Men, Ben Stiller portrays a superhero, a failed superhero, or a superhero wanna be.. his character is "Furious"

The codependent parts of this "Furious" character are that this character likes to think of himself as a "ticking time bomb"... "don't make me hurt you" or "walk on egg shells around me cuz if you dare *set me off* I can't be held responsible for my actions"

Codependents want to live in a world where someone else "did something to me" and somehow that justifies them to have to get even.

Codependents believe they're "DUE" a "special dispensation"

more later


========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Bad Behavior Of History Channel Stars

I just had to say this... the History Channel is one of my favorite TV shows. 

On several of it's popular series, they depict tough jobs performed by tough men (and women) in tough situations: 

Ice Road Truckers for example.

Some of the "bosses" in these shows just have lousy boundaries.

They use the excuse of the difficulty of their jobs as an excuse to berate, belittle and bully employees in their charge.

More coming...

========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services