Friday, February 15, 2008

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Victim Behavior

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Victim Behavior
Thanks go out to Cheryl Major for permission to use this info

The following is a list of common characteristics of Adult Children. These characteristics were developed by Dr Janet G. Woititz. You may not feel that each one applies to you, but I found that most of them fit my personality or lifestyle in some way, especially the first one.

Adult Children

...guess at what normal is

...have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end

...lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth

...have difficulty having fun

...have difficulty with intimate relationships

...overreact to changes over which they have no control

...constantly seek approval and affirmation

...feel that they are different from other people

...are either super responsible or super irresponsible

...judge themselves without mercy

...take themselves very seriously

...tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious thought to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self loathing, and loss of control of their environment. As a result, they spend tremendous amounts of time cleaning up the mess.

Of course this is not the final and inclusive list of characteristics, but it gives you a good idea where some of your so called 'personality flaws' or problems in relationships may be coming from.

This article is for informational purposes only.
Please contact a licensed professional in your area
if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Jobs that will hire a broken employee & blame

A codependent will... there's a long list of characteristics.

I think the list is on an earlier post from this blog.

with respect to this post and the little speed bump in my current employment/ health situation, lets just say a codependent will blame most anything on someone or something else.

codependents live not at the cause of stuff, they live at the effect of stuff.

Cause and Effect and your fishbowl.

We all live in a paradigm, you cannot escape it, to a codependent this seems unfair.
codependents have 'control issues', problems with authority are ultimatley control issues.

A paradigm is a set of stipulations, unspoken, part of our autonomic response to outside stimuli, for example, it's a given that gravity exists...
we don't usually give much thought to obeying gravity unless we get too close to the railing of a balcony on the 16th floor.

Codpendents often have trouble with the 3rd step and with the concept of obeying God.
Yet they Obey gravity every second of every day and that doesn't seem to piss them off.

A paradigm is like a world view, what Tony Robbins calls a "Global World View"
Tony paraphrases this as:

"Life is..."
"People are..."
"Screw them before they screw you (cause they will)"
"Give em an inch and they'll take a mile"
"murphy's law"

A codependent's world view is that the universe causes stuff to happen to them,
they're at the effect of stuff outside their control.

To be healthy is to be at the cause of stuff in your life, not to be at the effect.

More later on how to learn how to be at the cause and stop being at the effect.

I'm grateful that there are jobs available that are sub standard.

Jobs that are 'broken' A.K.A. codpendent will often, of necessity, hire someone
with bad stuff in their work history, tickets on thier driving record and such.

It's good to have options when some of the better jobs will not hire someone
on the road back from bad stuff happening to them and less than functional responses to said bad stuff.

I could rail at the injustice of my recent employment.

Or I could just be thankful to learn from the experience and move on.

methinks I'll do the later, at least I didn't run the truck off the road or into a car filled with a family, you get the point.

This article is for informational purposes only.
Please contact a licensed professional in your area
if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Irresponsibility, codependency and victim behavior

Victim Behavior is the effect of a root cause.

That root cause is codependency.

Codpendency is sometimes called a disease.
It IS a disease of irresponsibility.
It comes from a sick (dysfunctionally sick) family system.
Family systems have 'trees', family trees, if one member
(branch of the tree) gets out of balance, it drags the
other branches out of balance.

One sibling plays the 'role' of black sheep, another one
will balance the tree (family) by being Over responsible.

Outsiders to the family will observe the Over responsible
family member as:

"Why can't Sally be more like her brother?"

"Why does Billy abuse drugs and Becky get straight A's in

In reality (recent breakthroughs in Physics/ Meta Physics
/ Quantum Physics and ultimatley Philosophy has shed much
light on the definition of just what reality really is, but
that topic is going to require a long post unto itself)

... In reality the over responsible sibling is just as 'sick'
as the black sheep sibling.

John Bradshaw's work and Pia Melody's work form the backbone
of much of the philosophical basis for this blog.

I should probably make this post 'sticky' or place it somewhere
on the template near the top because most of what I have to say
is based on the above presupposition.

To screw up is to be irresponsible.

Our current society's attitude toward both the concept of screwing up
and the path to correct it is counterproductive.

The ONLY way to actually balance the problem and the method of
correcting the problem is counter intuitive. That is to say:
What appears to be what would seem to be to most people a
solution actually causes more of the same.

Blame and blaming is the root of irresponsible codpendent victim behavior.

What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Does it really matter?

To say that our family is the blame, may technically be acurate but counter productive, damm, I've no time to finish this post and every line I write
requires background to illustrate... that's ok, I'll fill in the blanks later.

In short, the USPS issued a contract, the contractor I worked for hired me,
I got sick, a contract is a contract, if I was too sick to complete the run,
the contractor should have scrambled find some one to fill in for me.
I communicated that, I communicated to both the Washington DC H.A.S.P and
Blue Mountain Express that I was sick...
Blue Mountain kept on assigning frieght for me to deliver after my mail runs...
To this I can say: "What part of I'm sick do you not understand?"

I could surmise that Blue Mountain Express just did not really believe that
I was sick...

In any case, at this point blame is counter productive.
If I'd have continued driving a tractor trailer under these conditions I would
have had a serious accident, maybe wrecked the truck, lost US mail all over the
highway, gotten hurt or killed, and gotten someone else hurt or killed.

So... I just got another job
more later

This article is for informational purposes only.
Please contact a licensed professional in your area
if you are in crisis or require mental health services

How To Spot A Codependent

OR how to discover that you're codependent, a checklist A) codependents want chronic maladies, they want to have to "treat" ...