Sunday, September 24, 2017

Manipulation Causes Victim Based Thinking

Why would anyone choose to be a Victim?

what is attractive about being a victim?

That's easy.. it's unconscious, you don't "set out" to be a victim.. but unconsciously you LOVE IT.

Codependents like being victims... not from any conscious deliberate choice but due to parenting abuse.. they've come to view sympathy as a narcotic.

========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Passive-Aggressive Predators - Snide Comments

If you USE passive aggressive behavior, you're probably ( conveniently ) unaware of it 

If you NOTICE passive aggressive behavior used ON YOU.. you're likely to get pissed off.

Often, because codependents are unaware of what functional emotional boundaries are.. this can be the first indication to a codependent or the inkling that something is wrong and ought to be corrected.

according to Psychology Today:

Passive-aggressive actions can range from the relatively mild, such as making excuses for not following through, to the very serious, such as sabotaging someone’s well-being and success - https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201508/10-signs-passive-aggressive-relationship

For Example.. there's no way to respond to a question like this, without you looking like an asshole:

"So when did you stop beating your wife?"

There's a reason some people use this tactic.. they're playing a game of "one up-man-ship"

they "appear" to be "friendly" but they're really, subtly maneuvering to place themselves in a "one up" situation in the "pecking order"

I use the term "pecking order" because of Family Systems Theory

this is the first of a series of posts on Passive-Aggressive behavior... stay tuned


========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Quitting Smoking Is a Bitch

I've been a cigarette smoker since 1973, that's 44 years

it's a bitch

withdrawal, anxiety, and mostly... addiction substitution

I guess this makes my 24th attempt to be smoke free

In the previous 23 attempts over the past 30 odd years, when I quit one thing, I'd do more of some other related self destructive behavior

This attempt is made during my 60th year above ground on this planet

nicotine patches help the most.. walking 6000 steps a day helps a LOT as well

use of an ecig seems to be the best thing to do when the patches just don't seem to be enough

I keep telling myself: ad addict does not know how or is not comfortable "treating themselves with respect"



========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Describe Codependency Through Movies -Ben Stiller in Mystery Men

When someone is codependent or "does codependent behavior" they're usually the last one to know.
Having said that no one is ALL Codependent or NON Codependent, it's always a mix. People with damaged sense of self worth (regardless of the source of that "damage") can be said to "exhibit Codependent Behaviors".. that's not the same thing as identifying ones self as "YOUR CODEPENDENT... and I'm not

Now if YOU'RE codependent, typically you're not likely to be aware of it, to those that love you, interact with you, people you have an impact on.. .they're the ones who're likely to:
notice
complain about you
be affected by you
and because of that... those people are like canaries were to miners... they are your alarm

But us codependents tend to want to organize our beliefs around all or nothing. We tend to overlook the fact that no one is 100% codependent all of the time. That's a function of one of the root behaviors of codependency is we identify ourselves as our affliction

Healthy people can call themselves "I'm David"
Codependent people identify themselves as "I'm depressed"

So if you or someone you love you suspect might be codependent, you could look to characters portrayed in recent movies to get an idea of what types of behaviors are "codependent"

 In the movie Mystery Men, Ben Stiller portrays a superhero, a failed superhero, or a superhero wanna be.. his character is "Furious"

The codependent parts of this "Furious" character are that this character likes to think of himself as a "ticking time bomb"... "don't make me hurt you" or "walk on egg shells around me cuz if you dare *set me off* I can't be held responsible for my actions"

Codependents want to live in a world where someone else "did something to me" and somehow that justifies them to have to get even.

Codependents believe they're "DUE" a "special dispensation"

more later


========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Bad Behavior Of History Channel Stars

I just had to say this... the History Channel is one of my favorite TV shows. 

On several of it's popular series, they depict tough jobs performed by tough men (and women) in tough situations: 
Ice Road Truckers for example.

Some of the "bosses" in these shows just have lousy boundaries.

They use the excuse of the difficulty of their jobs as an excuse to berate, belittle and bully employees in their charge.

More coming...

========== This article is for informational purposes only. Please contact a licensed professional in your area if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Why You Cant See Your Behavior As Victim Behavior

Victim Behavior is from non functional boundaries.

Boundaries can only be seen when you interact with someone else.
If you are the party allowing your boundaries to be "over stepped" you have the possibility of being aware of a boundary problem. (that doesn't mean you will automatically be aware of it)
If you are the party getting the "bigger half", often you cant see what the problem is... for you, there is no problem.

Identifying a behavior pattern is useful and necessary but more often than not does not automatically lead to correcting the problem.

If you've been practicing a repetitive pattern of victim behavior, you discover you don't like the results you're getting, take steps to improve your situation... most of you will, unfortunately... miss it

sounds unbelievable

You will miss it like you miss an old friend

Part of you is comfortable with the pattern of you allowing yourself to be screwed over

Most of you reading this will refuse to believe it

A huge percentage of people who win the lottery, end up broke, end up actually wishing it had never happened to them.

100% of them would say the same thing you just said about missing your victim behavior





==========
This article is for informational purposes only.
Please contact a licensed professional in your area
if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Little Girl's Reatached Hand, Attitude Alters Reality

So you think you've got problems?

Codependents cling to their victim behavior as if it was an old friend
.. if you suddenly were not a victim anymore, if the fates suddenly stopped conspiring against you.

... you no longer had an external force to blame for your less than fortunate circumstances.

Codependents who "get better", more often than not unconsciously "Miss" their victim role, as if it was a long lost friend who you were so comfortable with you can't imagine living in a world without "Him" or "It"

Attitude can alter, effect, improve, cause stuff to change way, way, WAY beyond what most of us are willing to assign a value to.

The little girl in this story has a positive attitude that could make the the economy rebound.

Watch this incredible story and adjust your attitude to a fraction of hers and I'm of the opinion what ever is dragging you down (what ever the circumstances) will "get better"

==========
This article is for informational purposes only.
Please contact a licensed professional in your area
if you are in crisis or require mental health services

Manipulation Causes Victim Based Thinking

Why would anyone choose to be a Victim? what is attractive about being a victim? That's easy.. it's unconscious, you don't &q...