Indignation


a) Webster's Dictionary defines "resentment" as
"indignation" or "ill- will" felt as a result of a real or
imagined offense." Webster's then refers the reader to the
word "anger" and gives other examples of this thought or
feeling, which includes rage, fury, ire, wrath, resentment,
and indignation. These words denote varying degrees of
displeasure from anger (strong, intense, and explosive) to
the longer lasting resentment (ill-will and suppressed
anger generated by a sense of being wronged by another or
being wrong).

More on this topic and much more
is available on Software4YourMind.com


It's King Henry's fault that we worship science
and ingore intuition

It's all King Henry's fault

Way back... King Henry wanted to get a divorce
The Catholic Church at that time kinda shared power with all of, or most of the kings that ran the various Western countries...
The Pope wouldn't let King Henry get divorced, cause in Catholicism,
Nobody can get divorced.

The Vatican used to have an army, and they used to use it.
...At the time King Henry asked for a special dispensation to get
a new wife the Vatican was militarily weak.
translation?
England was far enough away for King Henry to thumb his royal nose and the pope... He told the pope to f*** off and started the Church of England (you know, the archbishop of Canterbury?)

This was the same time Sir Issac Newton was doing his scientific thing...

After Ann Bolyn got her head lopped off, Newton had to rewrite all his treatises because it was no longer politically correct to say
ANYTHING about religion or spirituality lest you incur the wrath of King Henry... you'd lose you head

For 400 years the west has worshipped science.
This is the start of Western thought regarding the subjective as
Superstition (the mini ice age and it's relation to the Spanish inquisition and spectral evidence convicting the girls in the Salem Witch Hunt didn't help either)

Assign Blame
Keep Score
And argue facts that are in disagreement.

This is all you get to look forward to without:

Functional, Healthy Personal boundaries

Up till now you thought you were the voice inside your head
That voice is your Ego

You are much more than an Ego

It is: Logical, Analytical, Pragmatic and virtually useless to heal

Working ONLY with your Logical Left Brain is like re-arranging the furniture on the Titanic!

From my newest ebook

More later

Dysfunctional Behavior Rapid Repair Manual

Dysfunctional Behavior Rapid Repair Manual
Part of you is looking at another part of you
… in contempt!

A short report about an effective strategy to end
Dysfunctional Behavior Patterns.

Up till now you thought you were the voice inside your head
That voice is your Ego

You are much more than an Ego

See our newest Ebook here:
http://www.software4yourmind.com/dysfunctional/


The only real time experiences we have are:

With our selves (our authentic self)
and with God

consider this:
All perceptions are in the past

When we look up at the night sky, some of those
stars are not there anymore... it took so long
for the light to travel here, that some stars
have exploded millions of years ago

We'd never know that by looking with our eyes

All sight, anything we see- light takes 186,000 mph
to reach us, then several milliseconds for our
optical nerves, cornea, retina as so on to process

All we hear, sound travels at 760mph at sea level,
anyway- everything we hear is in the past


Even Sex, the closest we can be with another person
swapping bodily fluids and such...

tactile experiences take milliseconds
for our nervous system to process

See more about this in our Ebooks:

"Self Esteem Takes Too Long"
http://www.software4yourmind.com/selfesteem


Dysfunctional Behavior Rapid Repair Manual
Our latest ebook-
A short report about an effective strategy to end
Dysfunctional Behavior Patterns.
http://www.software4yourmind.com/dysfunctional/

======================

codependents are attached to the people and problems

Most codependents are attached to the people and problems in their environments.

Attachment is becoming overly-involved and can take several forms:

* We may react instead of choosing how we will respond in a situation
(our physical, emotional, and mental energy is attached).
(Don't react, remove yourself from the situation if it is escalating.)

* We may become obsessed with and controlling of people and problems
in our life (our energy is directed at the object of our obsession).

* We may become excessively worried about,
or preoccupied with a problem or person
(our mental energy is attached).

* We may become emotionally dependent on the people around us.

* We may become caretakers, rescuers, or enablers to the people
around us firmly attaching ourselves to their need for us.

Overinvolvement of any sort can keep us in a state of chaos
and the people around us as well.
If we are focusing all our energy on people and problems,
we will have little time for the business of taking care of our own needs.

We forfeit our power, our ability to think, feel, and act and we lose control.

When we are obsessed with another human being, we cannot think objectively.

We not only have a problem or person that is bothering us, it is controlling us.

What is Detachment?

Detachment is not a cold, hostile withdrawl;
a resigned, despairing acceptance of whatever is thrown our way.

We are not unaffected by people and problems,
we cannot ignore our responsibilities to ourselves
and others by severing our relationships with others.

Detachment is releasing or detaching from a person or problem with love.

We find it necessary to mentally, emotionally, and physically remove ourselves
from unhealthy or painful entanglements with another person's life and responsibilities.

Detachment is based on the premise that each person is responsible for himself or herself
and that we can't solve problems that aren't ours, and that worry is not helpful.

We adopt a policy of keeping our hands off other peoples responsibilities.

We allow other people to experience the consequences of their actions.

And we stop trying to change things we can't fix.

We try to focus on what is good in our own lives.

Detachment is living in the moment; living in the here and now.

We cannot live in the past and we cannot change it.

We must learn to "accept the things we cannot change" and to "change the things we can".

Detaching does not mean we don't care, it means we care enough to
"let go and let God" take care of the details.

We learn how to make good decisions, and how to develop healthy relationships with others.

The rewards of detachment are the freedom to live our own lives without feeling guilty or responsible for others. We learn to mind our own business.

Many people who have chosen to live with serious problems such as alcoholism, drug addiction or a severely handicapped child have learned to cope with these problems.

They have grieved their losses and found a way not to live in resignation, martyrdom or despair but with a true sense of gratitude to the 12-Step programs available. They have learned to take care of themselves and have improved their self-esteem through the use of self-help books and programs.

We learn to detach by using a three-part formula from Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon: through Honesty, Openness, and Willingness to try to abide by the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Many different organizations use the Steps and Traditions.

"We need to detach when it is the least likely or possible thing to do."

Adapted from Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie, (c) 1987.

Why did he use me?

http://www.drdrew.com/Office/article.asp?id=1099

[note- I remember watching this on MTV long ago, I thought this applies to many love addicted people,
so I republished it here, and to remind me to write on this subject]

What you need to understand is that for some young males, a sexual experience is nothing more than that.

Just because this guy was intimate with you does not mean that he has true feeling for you or that he wants any sort of relationship.

Obviously, you had real feelings for him and now you are hurt and upset that he doesn't reciprocate those feelings.
You haven't done anything wrong and just because you misunderstood his intentions, it does not mean that you are a bad person.

Part of growing up is learning how to judge other people and understanding what goes into making a good relationship.

For now, I suggest that you surround yourself with the people who care about you.

Your friends and family can help you through this difficult experience

Here's our health editor Dr Garth to add his perspective on your question.
Dr. Garth:

This is a horrible experience and I know how painful it can be.

While you will probably be angry and hurt for a while, as Drew said, this is a learning experience.

I think it highlights one of the most important principles in relationships: the key element is good communication.

We can never presume to know how someone else feels or what they think. The only way to understand another person is to ask them.

While there is certainly a place for "gut instinct," I think that big decisions
(like whether or not to have sex with someone)
should be discussed openly and honestly beforehand.

http://www.drdrew.com/Office/article.asp?id=1099


more later

Dr Drew Pinskey of Love Line Once counseled a young woman in his TV show
who was feeling depression over a failed relationship she had with a young man.

The man was apparently using her for sex (a f**k buddy).

The woman thought they were a couple and was wanting to continue the relationship
at any cost, she was apparently willing to have sex with the man even if he clearly
wanted to see other women.

This would be ok IF she was telling herself the truth about what was happening-

She had tremendously painful feelings of loss, pain and wondering why he would do this.

She was ‘hallucinating’ that they were still a couple.

Dr Drew told her that just because she had strong feelings for the man didn’t mean he did.
A codependent does this often. She *hallucinated* that her feelings MUST also be felt by him (for her)

I used the term *hallucinated*, the way Tony Robbins uses it, codependents tend to add stuff that isn't there
to what they think, they *halluncinate* x, y or z

Gotta start a collection of articles on Withdrawal for www.victimbehavior.com

Withdrawal

excerpted © 1995 S.L.A.A.

What is Withdrawal?
A primary and critical step in beginning recovery from sex and love addiction is identifying our Bottom Line behaviors - those activities from which we must refrain in order to attain physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wholeness.
For guidance, we turn to our sponsor, our Higher Power, and other members of S.L.A.A. A change in our behavior - stopping the addictive pattern - one day at a time, marks the beginning of abstinence from compulsive and destructive acting out.

The physical, mental, emotional, and often spiritual upheaval which generally accompanies the release of our addictive pattern is called withdrawal. Whether our craving is for sex, romance, or relationships, whether this craving is constant or periodic, not satisfying such a craving often comes as a shock to our system.

Abstinence from acting out is initially followed by a period of withdrawal.

The word withdrawal typically conjures up an image of substance abusers dependent upon their "drug of choice" to alter moods and/or escape from the present moment. Like drugs, sex and love addiction can become all - consuming pushing us toward greater and greater risk to our physical health, our emotional well-being, our sanity ... our very life itself.

Times of withdrawal can be uncomfortable for many of us. Our bodies go through unexpected physical changes; our emotions hit highs and lows we never imagined possible. We feel, perhaps for the first time ever, the void which we have sought to fill with our addiction(s).

The Experience of Withdrawal
Abstinence from acting out on bottom line behaviors opens us to the vulnerability we have desperately sought to avoid. This vulnerability is experienced differently by each of us. The resulting withdrawal is sometimes recognized first by its symptoms:

a craving to act out

inexplicable aches and pains

physical illness or exhaustion

switch to a new addiction(s)

changes in eating or sleeping patterns

general self doubt

desperation and fear

suicidal thoughts

desire to isolate

obsessive thinking

sadness, depression, or despair

dreams of acting out

emotional highs and lows

irritability, anger, or rage

preoccupation with fantasy

confusion or trouble concentrating

questioning of our interest in S.L.A.A. or recovery


If we aren't acting out, then what are we to do?

Sometimes, we just breathe. It may be all we can do, for the moment. Reciting the Serenity prayer has helped many of us pass that critical moment when we are tempted by our addiction.

A phone call to a sponsor or other program member can help, as can reading an S.L.A.A. pamphlet, or Chapter Five of the basic text, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, where the experience of withdrawal is discussed in depth.
Reflecting on the Twelve Steps can help us bring the focus back to the solution, instead of being stuck in the problem.

We found that the most healing antidote to the gnawing pain of our struggles and doubts was to turn over any questions concerning the outcome of our withdrawal to God, or to whatever Power we felt was helping us to abstain from our old patterns.

We might be thinking, "No Way! ... It's not worth it!" But the truth is, it is worth it. You are worth it. And you are not alone.

From
http://www.slaafws.org/pamphlets/withdrawal.html

© 1997-2003 The Augustine Fellowship, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Fellowship-Wide Services, Inc.

==================
Those that are agnostic might find the folks at www.rationalrecovery.com more to their liking- I've just found it, some stuff there looks ok- taking responsibility... stuff like that
on the other hand I dislike the forum's clear anti God bias- to each his own

more later