Saturday, June 14, 2003

Below is part of an email exchange I recently had that I think
would be useful to people, so I'm putting it up here:

At 03:08 PM 6/14/2003 -0700, you wrote:

Is there a difference between victim behavior and self-pity?

[my response]
hmm, maybe not...but to me:

victim behavior is having your motives be one of getting sympathy,
having that be almost unconscious, and the underlying premise
is that no one would want you on your own merits.

so maybe self pity can be both?

I'm thinking of John Bradshaw's definition of healthy shame vs
toxic shame.

self pity could be relatively healthy, if it's some where you go
occasionally and not where you live.

off the top of my head, anyway.

good question though...made me think about it for a bit.

Hey, are you familiar with the 12 step-ish concept of naming your
addict? I see this in the sexual addiction mailing lists- no one can
tell me who the original author is- someone suggested that it was
from the big book.

My addict is _____, he does the following ____ if I let him run the show

By giving that part of your personality a name, is classice NLP
dissociation technique.
it seems to be a way to separate the sin from the sinner
(and that's a good thing)

got any idea who that originated from?
I'd like to use it, being ever mindful of giving credit where credit is due.

David Bruce Jr
Baltimore Maryland

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